March 2004
I can’t forgive how she let me down.
Dear Andrea,
I do not speak with my mother because I am very angry about something that she promised to do , but didn’t. This hurts very much and I don’t know how to get past this or what to do about it. I have tried to talk to her ,but that doesn’t work. On one hand, I have no interest to have her in my life anymore, but on the other hand there’s something telling me that I should. How can I work out my feelings here and be content with my decision? Thank You.
Andrea share,
When someone we love lets us down or hurts us, this pain can be all consuming. Our expectations towards someone is the first reason for this disappointment. This is because we feel that others should behave like we do. Or we see something as being our truth and therefore they should have the same truth. Unfortunately expectations always set ourselves up for disappointment. The second is our own anger. By being angry at someone we give away our power ! We say, ôthey make us feel this wayö. First we need to own what we created for this situation to happen. We still played a part in this situation happening. No expectationsàà.., no disappointments. No angeràà. just love. Let the issue go and feel light again. Surrender to what happened and feel empowered again. We cannot control othersàà.only ourselves. Feel hurt, feel angry and then let it go. Move on! Be more accepting of others and their ways. Love them anyway. Forgive them and yourself. The choices here if you give them a try will surely be a stepping stone to be more accepting of everything around you! Why not start at home!!
How do I tell him I don’t want what he wants?
Dear Andrea,
I recently went on holiday with my boyfriend and everything seemed to be going well until we went to a party one night and he decided he wanted to go home early because he was bored. I wanted to stay, but felt I had to go when he wanted to go. How can I put my feelings across and yet not feel selfish about my needs and wants.
Andrea shares,
First and foremost I believe you need to feel you are deserving of your feelings, needs and wants. That your feelings are just as important as your boyfriend’s. Simply, that you are important also. Maybe you have some fear of expressing how you feel just in case he may get upset with you. There needs to be a balance in your relationship that shows you to be a partner in this relationship. If you have any fears that he may leave you because you don’t do what he likes, then this is not a partnership. This may mean that you need to check in with yourself how much you may be giving in here and feel like you are possibly not respected or loved the way you want to be. Honesty with yourself is key. Open communication is vital. Believe in yourself and love yourself more. This way, love, respect and communication will automatically come back to you.
He doesn’t take me seriously in our marriage
Dear Andrea,
I’ve been thinking about my marriage a lot lately. There are some things that are making me feel very uncomfortable. And I have actually spoken about them often to my partner. He seems to be listening to me and often sees my point of view, but then the action that follows or lack of action, makes me feel that he is not taking me seriously or is choosing to ignore my feelings. I am seriously considering asking if he will be willing to see a marriage counselor. How can I suggest this and what is the process? I really need to do something here soon.
Andrea shares,
First of all let me commend you for first acknowledging that there is a problem. This is a huge step in itself. And thank yourself for having the awareness to know and feel that your needs as a person are not being met. And thirdly, your courage and strength to want to try the approach of asking a professional third party to help in your situation. It’s certainly not an easy time and the lack of presence for yourself will worsen without any action. Once you speak with your husband and share your feelings, hopefully he will be open to the idea of seeking a marriage counselor. This process can begin by either each of you seeing someone separately or you may go together. My feeling here is that going together for the first session would be good based on what you have shared with me. You will each have your turn to talk and share. From there, you may uncover some answers and for sure some options and choices that the two of you can consider. Good Luck!
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